Babyisms

If you know me at least decently-well, you know that babies really aren't my "thing". It's hard to say why exactly, but they just aren't. Regardless, I'm more than happy to see my friends and family growing their brood and take much enjoyment in their own pictures and online posts.


My darling cousin "A" has wanted children, badly, for a long time. She planned it all out in her head, knowing that once she'd met Mr. Right, it would all fall into place. Well gosh darn-it, she DID meet Mr. Right in "C". I like he's an older guy (more mature, well-rounded, etc), and it can't help to be good looking and of Scottish descent! Nice work, "A"! It seemed (to me anyway) like quite the whirlwind romance: met and married by the end of 2010, then pregnant with their first child by April 2011. 24 hours ago they welcomed a beautiful baby boy into the world. Congrats!


When I had heard they were expecting, all those awkward anti-baby feelings came rushing back. It's not that I don't think I'd make a good parent, I just feel weird when I think about holding one and doing all those "motherly" things to it. Yes, it. Gosh, this is making me sound like a creep. The last baby I held is now a 4-year old little girl. Granted, she was an AWESOME baby. I held her many times and didn't dislike it that much! But, that's a long time ago and I'm not sure how much I've changed.


I think I'd like to have children of my own, maybe. The idea of a family is nice, but for some reason I'm having a hard time getting past all the parts leading up to that. I feel too busy for a baby, too self-centered, too... unmotivated. When we got married in 2003, I felt like I'd probably be ready by age 25. That was nearly 4 years ago. I'm still not ready, nor can I say when I will be, or even IF I will be. My biological clock ain't dead yet, so why stress over it?


The hardest part hasn't been my own feelings, but those of others. After marriage year one, the "newlywed" questions ended and the "baby-making" ones began. I made it pretty clear to those around me that I simply didn't have an answer so would appreciate leaving it be. Why does marriage = baby?! That was so frustrating for the longest time. Now it's much better as people tend to just "get" that this is how it is right now. It also helps that I work around a number of women of the same age and a few are similar to me. The moral support and mutual understanding has been nice.


Very recently I had someone bring up making babies again. They asked the usual, "when, why not, etc etc". I struggled to remain someone non-defensive as it's been quite a while since I'd been questioned like that. It's just so hard to explain to those that don't feel the same way. All I really want is respect that whatever is meant to be will happen, in it's own time. No pressure, right?


I wish A&C the absolute best with their little blessing, and anyone else for that matter that is, or is in the process of, growing their family. I just won't necessarily be joining that bandwagon anytime soon. (Sorry, M&D)


My big piece of pi today is: 3.141592